you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He shit in the fireplace
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
