took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
