Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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