i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We have started to decorate penises.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
