First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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