I want to stick my p in your. b.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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