we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
