I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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