After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
