Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
