jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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