There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
