SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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