For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
