On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
