it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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