I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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