I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
