When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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