There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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