I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
