I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
