found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
