One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
