come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
