You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
