community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
