ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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