Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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