I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
