Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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