Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
