First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
