So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
