then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
