You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
