I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
