Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
