I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
