talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
