hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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