you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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