is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
