yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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