We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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