He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
