i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
