you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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