Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
