covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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