Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
