I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
